Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
