The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize