how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
