This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
