Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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