And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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