"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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