Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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