I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the condom got lost in my hair
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
