Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
