dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
