It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
