Your dad touched me again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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