she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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