yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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