im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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