The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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