im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
