i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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