why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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