cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
