Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i out mim tonsoeep
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