He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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