Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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