She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
