Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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