Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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