Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
