No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
