They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
