oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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