walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
