so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
