I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
