i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
