I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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