i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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