What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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