I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He has the fingertips of a God
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