@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
