If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
