Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
