I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
