it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
