You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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