Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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