highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
