i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
