Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
