She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
