roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
