absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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