Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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