fuck your aforementioned shoe
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize