i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
