Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
