did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
