smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
