so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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