So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
