I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
