pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
