Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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