Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
