Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
