my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize