He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
