found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
