If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
