mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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