you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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