Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
