We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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