i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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